Funeral Blues
by dftbawesome
Summary: They were together for better or for worse a long time before they got married if you ask me. A Jily oneshot.


She knew, the second they told her it would be her speaking, what she would be reading. It was weird that it came to her so immediately. Or maybe it wasn't, after all she did have quite the long time to think about this day- it had been a rather long and painful decease. And even if she didn't want to admit it, she had thought about this moment. She had hoped she wouldn't have to be the one in front of all these people, talking, trying to express something words can't express.

Nevertheless, there she stood, in front of all those people who were now waiting for her to speak and looking at her like a puppy who had just been stepped on. She hated that look. Yes, she was hurting. Yes, she probably looked terrible (she couldn't find it in herself to bother). But damn it she didn't need that look! It just made her feel even more miserable. She looked down instead of at the crowd, at least she wouldn't have to see their faces as she spoke.

"Hum, one of the first movies I remember watching with my dad was Four Weddings and a Funeral." Her dad was a sucker for rom-com's, not that he'd admit to anyone! But it was hard to hide it from the people living with them… specially seeing as he'd always wanted company to watch them. She almost chuckled to herself now thinking of how many times they'd watched "Love Actually" and how dad still got worked up about it. But, of course, immediately after the happiness of that memory came the gut-wrenching sadness. "Dad and I had always found the poem they read at the funeral by W. H. Auden beautifully sad and devastating. You'll forgive me, but I'll have to copy the movie and use that same poem- that I now understand a little bit better than I ever wanted to- because I too can't find the words to describe him." She bit the inside of her lip, unfolded the paper she had been holding in her trembling hands, and, taking one deep shaky breath, started reading.

"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,  
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,  
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum  
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come." She could now feel the tears prickling in her eyes, threatening to spill. She didn't want to cry in front of these people, but she suspected she didn't have much choice in that.

"Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead  
Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'." Her voice broke but she kept reading.  
"Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,  
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,  
My working week and my Sunday rest,  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;" The tears were now rolling down her face and she suppressed a sob before continuing.  
"I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong." She sniffed and cleaned the tears away from her face before continuing, her voice sounding tired and shaky even to her but at least no more tears running down her face or sobs wrecking through her.

"The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;  
For nothing now can ever come to any good."

She stood there for a moment thinking of how she had planned to say something else now. Something of a goodbye, of how lucky she had been. But, after a moment of hesitation, she just went back to her seat. She had said her goodbyes already and in this very moment she didn't feel very lucky.

She sat down and looked to her right and saw Petunia, ever so composed, a tear running down her cheek and her lips trembling, but her make-up and her hair still perfectly done, her dress without a wrinkle on sight. She looked to Petunia's right and saw their mum, washed in tears, her knuckles white from holding Petunia's hand so hard. And then she looked down at her own hands, without anyone to hold them, without anyone to hold her, and she looked straight ahead once again, tears clouding her vision and streaming down her face as the priest said a few words she didn't listen to.

The ceremony had ended and people were now going to them, offering their condolences. All these people she barely remembered telling her how great a person her father is was, and how much he'll be missed. She looked back for a brief second looking at the line of people that wanted to express their condolences to her, wondering for how long she would have to stand there, nodding and thanking. And then she saw them, the six of them, standing in a circle talking quietly amongst themselves looking sad and lost. James was the first one to see her, actually, he was looking at her already, before she looked back, looking worried. Then came Remus and Sirius and Marlene and Dorcas and poor Peter, always the last to understand what is happening and what everyone is looking at. She almost chuckled at this, how some things never changed, but somehow she only managed to cry a little harder instead. She mouthed a "thank you" before turning to talk to someone who apparently was waiting to talk to her, or so the pull on her dress by her sister seemed to say.

For some reason she didn't quite understand, Vernon fucking Dursley was now standing with them, next to her sister and nodding with them when people said how sad they were, how great of a man her father had been. Why was he there? He isn't part of the family yet and dad didn't even like him. Why was he there?

The co-worker who had been talking to them went away and Petunia obviously took the fleeting moment before the next person in line to chastise her.

"Lily, you're being ridiculously rude! You need to say something; you can't just stand there and look blankly at people." She said in a whisper that only the four of them heard. There was a moment when Lily expected someone to defend her, but then she remembered where she was and why she was there and looked at her mother who always detested conflict and who, not surprisingly, remained quiet, and she realised no one was going to stand up for her to her sister from now on.

"I need a moment." She said and, before Petunia could say anything else, walked out of that church as quickly as possible. She went to the side of the church she didn't see anyone, and, leaning against the wall, she cried. Sobs wrecking through her body, her hand in her mouth trying to keep them as quiet as possible. Her father, her guardian, the only person that ever said anything when Petunia got mean. Sure, she knew mum loved her and that she didn't agree with what Petunia said, but her mother never wanted to believe that her two daughters hated each other so much (or at least one of them did) and so she didn't believe it, she just ignored it. Dad was the only one to tell Petunia to stop, to punish her, to tell her that she wasn't right. The only one to comfort her when things got especially vicious. He had always had her back... And now she felt so alone, with no one to protect her when she felt too tired to fight for herself.

"Hey." She heard his voice before she felt his arms around her, but she didn't even need to hear his voice to know who this embrace belonged to. James Potter's hugs were different from everyone else's, she couldn't quite put her finger on what was odd, but they were different, better. The warmth and feeling of safety were indescribable. And so, she didn't even need to look at him before she hid her face in the crook of his neck, put her arms around his shoulders and cried freely. "Whatever your sister was saying, she's not right." He whispered in her hear before leaving a quick kiss on her temple and running the hand that wasn't around her waist through her hair. "I know that it's easier said than done, but don't listen to her." She started calming down, **he** started calming her down. And even though she was still crying, her breathing was somewhat controlled now. "And, if you want to, Sirius and Marlene were ready to hex her into next week." James said with Lily let out a tiny laugh, that was barely distinguishable from the sob if it weren't for the smallest of smiles on her lips.

"Thank you." She said stepping a little away from him so she could look at him.

"I'm here for you, always." He said and she couldn't resist asking.

"Would you mind staying with me when we go back inside? I know you probably don't want to hear all those people you don't know. And you can say no if-"

"Lily, I won't leave your side unless you want me to." He said honestly, and she hugged him again, tighter than before, whispering thank you's in his ear, feeling so relieved with his arm wrapped tightly around her. She took a deep breath, cleaned the tears from her cheeks and took his hand before heading back inside.

"What on earth do you think he's doing? He can't be here. He is not family." Petunia whispered pointedly loud enough to make sure that James heard it too. She should have known that Petunia would freak. She could say that Vernon wasn't part of the family either, and that dad liked James more, she could have simply told her to bugger off. But she was too tired for a fight and when she was thinking of giving up, James whispered to Petunia. "I'm not going anywhere." He said, his arm moving to wrap around Lily's waist, getting even closer to her.

"How dare you? You do-" Petunia stopped in her tracks when James, with his free hand, pulled his suit back enough to show his wand.

"I'm not going anywhere." He repeated and she stayed silent. Lily was almost surprised- he had always avoided conflict with her family, even Petunia-, but then again she shouldn't have been surprised by how fiercely protective James was. She leaned her head against him in a silent thank you and he kissed the top of her head soothingly.


End file.
